Friday, August 22, 2008

Still Life: Hatless Little Boy, Crying in Parking Lot

Beerganooga countdown: Approximately 24 hours.

I’ve been getting emails from sis every morning, detailing her trials of dieting (she’s just started the South Beach Diet, and we believe that this will be the lucky one-go fighin’ Vicki!). The one I received this AM had an added bonus feature detailing an incident that involved Nephew and a parking lot. In the hopes that sis won’t mind me sharing this (for commiseration with those who have gone through it already and as a caveat to those with little ones), I am just reprinting the email:

Oh, Carol--the most awful morning occurred today! Alex dropped my hand and ran away from me in the parking lot of Mustard Seeds. I grabbed him so hard I think I left bruises on his little arm. I said, "You do NOT run away from me in parking lots!" And he dropped like a stone. And cried, cried, cried. I had to drag him into the school, he lost his hat on the way, AND he threw a fit all the way down the hall into Ms Sherry's breakfast room. As he was lying in the floor, Ms Sherry said she thought he'd do better if I go ahead and leave. So I told him I loved him and yourgrampawillbehereafterlunch, bye! What a cluster fuck. I cried all the way to work. Carmen had to calm me down.

To which I replied:
Oh Vicki, that is the saddest thing about Alex! I know that he's fine and all, but yeah, what a cluster fuck. I sincerely hate that for you. You have to understand that you are a good mom, and sometimes that is going to happen, regardless of all the parenting that you can do...and you'll loose your shit when it does happen...but be glad that you only lost your shit and he only lost his hat. It could’ve been worse. Parking lots ARE mine fields. People don't watch what they're doing oftentimes, especially when they are in the mindset of the drop-off, pick-up. I mean, it can even happen in your own driveway! I read about it all the time in the Reader's Digest...wait, did I just admit to reading Reader's Digest? D'oh! You’ll all be right as rain…but he’ll probably do it again. You could always quit your job, take Nephew out of school and start homeschooling. And when you’re not homeschooling, you can lock him in his room. I think that could work until he’s eighteen or so.
You know you’re my favorite sister,


fleegan said...

aw, poor Attila the Mum! she's so cool and awesome. and a hard worker. and cool. and funny. and awesome and swell.

Attilla The Mum said...

La Petit and Fleegan, thank you for the shoring-up; I really needed that. Parenthood ain't NOTHIN' I thought it would be and something different every day!

The next morning was MUCH better. Alex was a perfect little R2-D2 to my C-3PO making our way around the cars to the front door of his preschool. I said, in my best British robot voice (heh), "Come along, R2. Princess Leia needs our help in the breakfast room!" And he replied with clicks and whistles, eerily like the real R2, AND he stayed by my side the whole way.

I swear all the other moms there think I'm a complete loon. Not so, I say! I just love getting inside his little imaginary worlds and playing along. Maybe the previous day's fiasco could have been remedied by Yoda levitating Alex into the building. May the force be with you.

P.S. I'm currently cruising on an Ambien buzz and couldn't figure out why the hell my user name wasn't being accepted. Then I realized I'm Attilla the MUM, not Attilla the NUN. Wheeeeeee!

Eric Wright said...

Little kid ran out in front of me today in a parking lot. If only his mom and had taught him to to look both ways . . . scared me half to death.

Oh and Star Wars- simply awesome, you just need to work up a good solid wookie yell

Carol said...

I agree with E. I think the wookie yell works for other parents...I've heard the Catoes use it.

LBC said...

The Cow says Moo. The Pig says Oink. What does the Wookie say? Nnnnnaagghhh!

"Come along, R2. Princess Leia needs our help in the breakfast room!"

That is AWESOME!

Carol, does the Digest still do Laughter is the Best Medicine?

La_Petit_Rouge said...

Yes ma'am, the Digest still has Laughter is the Best Medicine. And you are right about the sound a Wookie makes. Nephew was just trying to make that sound about a half hour ago. Star Wars speak works for him.